The Best Laid (Business) Plans

By Anna Papachristos

Though the interview process may be similarly stressful for the interviewer (in a sense), the interviewee bears a much heavier burden. Interviewers treat the process as an inconvenience, while the interviewee sits and sweats as they wait for the already employed to pull themselves away from whatever frivolous email exchange has caught their attention that day. Those at the reception desk guide you to the typical two-by-four “interrogation” room so you may await your fate in solitary.

Back in November, before I was sure my internship would be extended, I began to explore other options. After sending out only a few applications, I got a response within mere days—a record on my end. They call me in for an interview two days later, and I arrived with an eager hopefulness. Unfortunately, the receptionist, I would later realize, would be the only friendly face to cross my path that day.

“…you can tell a lot about how a company treats their employees just by observing how they treat their interviewees.”

With an odd, industrialized atmosphere, the receptionist ushered me into a small room with three solid walls and a glass exposure that left me on display like a fish in a fish bowl. Employees walked by, sneaking quick glances at the girl who was left to wait over 10 minutes for the first of her marathon interviewers to emerge. I was scheduled to meet three key players, but inevitably only spoke with two potential colleagues and the HR manager (or whatever her precise title was). The first woman finally entered my glass castle with a look of irritation, used a seemingly condescending tone, and abandoned me 10 minutes later to go seek my next interviewer.

The second individual—a man—was much more conversational, but still condescending. While eager, I still got the impression that he had already rendered his judgment before ever hopping in the fish bowl. After he left, the HR manager came in to evaluate how I thought the process went. (Odd, but who am I to question protocol?) We blabbed about the traffic for a few minutes, and then I was on my way with the promise that I would hear from them in some regard the VERY NEXT DAY.

I bet you can’t guess where this is going…

The next day came sans phone call or email. I let a week pass so as not to look like an over-enthusiastic vulture. Nothing. Not even the slightest acknowledgement. To them, I’m sure I was simply a waste of time. But, as I’ve said dozens of times, I’m sure, you can tell a lot about how a company treats their employees just by observing how they treat their interviewees. With that in mind, I believe I dodged another bullet. Again.

The 12 Pains of Business

By Anna Papachristos

Sometimes the brightest bulbs burn out. Sometimes the sharpest knives dull after use. And sometimes the highly educated, experienced businesspeople of our time forget they are not immune to  the rapidly spreading pestilence known as stupidity. Below are just mere glimmers of the nonsensical things I’ve witnessed over the last few months:

1. Reading for detail: We dedicate too much time to email. Once the morning messages start pouring in, they don’t seem to relent. But, thanks to my brilliant discovery, I may just have the solution—read them carefully the first time! When you’re setting up an appointment via email, and I respond with my date and time restrictions, do not suggest a time that falls outside those limits! You make more work for yourself, and for me. Not only will reading carefully cut down on volume, but it will also make you seem less stupid.

2. Intra-office communications: Everyone you could possibly need to talk to is within no more than a 20-foot radius give or take. Instead of emailing or calling from across the office, get up and walk over to their cubicle. You could probably use the exercise, anyway.

3. Punctuality: I understand that there may be hold-ups. Perhaps there may be road construction, or some idiotic driver blocking the street. But, if the bus is scheduled to arrive at a given time, it should probably arrive somewhere around that time. Not five minutes before, and certainly not 10 minutes after. I (and numerous others) depend on your service to get to the train station on time. So stop chatting with the street urchins and get a move on!

4. High heels: If you cannot walk in heels, don’t wear them. Especially do not wear them if they do not properly fit your foot! You see, today’s heels continue to grow taller. The higher the heel, the steeper the incline (duh). Thanks to gravity, your toes jam downward and your heel no longer fits flush to the back of the shoe. As if they weren’t hard enough to walk in already, now you are left with a gap that causes the shoe to flop off your foot. (See accompanying image for details.) I’m pretty sure they don’t make high heels that one would deem practical, but those that make you walk on your big toe all day long make you look like a newborn giraffe. (No, wait, even they emerge from the womb knowing how to walk better than you.)

5. Windows: No, I don’t mean those clear plates of glass that allow you to admire the beautiful outside world from the confines of your rolly chair. I mean that horrific operating system Microsoft tries to pass off as functional and innovative. My computer takes 10 minutes to start up in the morning (if it starts up properly on the first try, that is), it takes forever to open programs, and if I dare use the Internet, my computer slows to a crawl and I must eventually restart. No wonder I converted to a Mac at home…

4. Seat hogs: Yes, I know. I’m small. Tell me something I haven’t heard every day since grade school. But no matter how tiny I may be, that does not give you the right to sit next to me on the train and take up half of my seat as well as your own. For instance, when the train is filled to the brim and the only open seat happens to be next to you, move over just a tad. And when someone (read: me) has no choice but to take that seat, move over! Don’t pretend you’re asleep. You’re not. And when I subtly jam my elbow into your side, take the hint! (Side note: When you insist on sitting half on top of someone, do not then “wake up” and start squirting stinky hand sanitizer all over yourself. I will not hesitate to show my disgust. You’re rude… and probably much too oblivious to notice my scowls.)

7. Failure to admit mistakes: It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in the business—you can still be wrong. But no one knows how to accept blame or admit mistakes, so they try to rationalize their actions with half-truths, or they point the finger at someone else. Don’t worry, the powers that be can usually tell who is truly at fault. Good luck with that.

8. Respecting time: Everyone ends up being pulled in 20 different directions. So when you ask someone to bite off more than they can chew, don’t be surprised when your request is respectfully shot down. They will eventually complete your request out of the goodness of their heart, but your chance of a speedy turnaround diminishes when you act like they are your receptacle for unwanted tasks.

9. The clothing perception: Most of the time, I dress business casual. On nasty weather days, I throw style to the wind and don jeans and practical footwear. It’s amazing how total strangers treat me with more respect when I’m wearing a skirt and ballet flats, as opposed to jeans and boots. (Regardless, no one ever thinks I’m older than 18.)

10. “Conducting” business: On workdays, I take the train down to the city so I can then hop on a bus that drops me right at my building’s driveway. But, along the way, I’ve encountered some not-so-nice train conductors. Surely, they have to deal with a lot of crazy characters on a daily basis, but sometimes they can be pretty harsh. One afternoon, a woman handed the conductor on-duty an expired ticket. (They don’t have a very long shelf life nowadays.) She was obviously not very coherent, yet he berated her regardless. You could tell she was older and did not have all her wits about her, but he still harassed her for cash she wasn’t carrying, then demanded an ID so he could send a bill for the ticket price to her home address. Come now, jerk. Respect the elderly. Technically, you still made money from the purchase of her expired ticket. Hope you sleep soundly at night knowing you torment old ladies by day.

11. Assumptions: Preconceived notions are no reason to pass judgment and treat co-workers in an inferior fashion. That’s like parents who believe every word from their child’s lips is an automatic lie. Just…stop.

12. Jargon: Many talk in circles, using big words that nobody understands. If you have to start the term’s definition with “umm…” then you probably shouldn’t be using the term at all. Face it. You probably don’t know what you’re saying either.